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Coaching for Empowerment: The Power of Asking More and Telling Less

Writer's picture: Pat (PK) KearneyPat (PK) Kearney

Updated: Feb 2

As educators and leaders, we often feel pressure to have all the answers. But what if the most powerful thing we could do was ask better questions? After two decades of working with schools, teams, and individuals, I've discovered that the simple shift from telling to asking can transform how we support and develop others.


What Is Coaching (Really)?


Many misunderstand what coaching really is. Coaching is about stepping back, not stepping in. Instead of giving advice, coaches create space for discovery through powerful questions and deep listening. While mentors and advisors focus on telling you what to do based on past experience, coaches help you look forward by asking questions that unlock your own wisdom and solutions.

While advice and feedback look backward and focus on telling, coaching looks forward and focuses on asking. It's not about having the right answers—it's about asking the right questions.





Why Coaching Matters Now


In today's leadership environment, coaching isn't just nice to have—it's essential. Here's why:

  1. It empowers students and staff to take ownership of their growth

  2. It shifts power dynamics in a healthy way

  3. It builds supportive, relational environments

  4. It's surprisingly time-effective


When to Coach


Coaching can be particularly powerful in these situations:

  • When someone feels stuck

  • During regular check-ins

  • When facing challenges or opportunities

  • When someone knows what to do but isn't doing it

  • When clarity is needed

For students, this might mean conversations about:

  • Goal setting and time management

  • Navigating peer relationships

  • Managing academic pressure

  • Career exploration

  • Self-advocacy

For colleagues, coaching can help with:

  • Leadership development

  • Work-life balance

  • Team building

  • Difficult conversations

  • Professional growth


How to Coach: The Essential Elements


1. Start with Relationships

Coaching isn't a technique—it's a relationship. Build trust first.

2. Listen Fully

Be present. Embrace silence. Resist the urge to jump in with solutions.

3. Ask Powerful Questions

Here are seven questions from The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More and Change The Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier, that can transform any conversation:

  • "What's on your mind?"

  • "And what else?"

  • "What's the real challenge here for you?"

  • "What do you want?"

  • "How can I help?"

  • "If you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?"

  • "What was most useful for you?"

4. Tame Your "Advice Monster"

A challenge many have when embracing this shift is keeping quiet when you have the perfect solution. Trust that others can find their own way—with the right questions.


Tips for Better Coaching Conversations

  1. Ask one question at a time

  2. Avoid disguising advice as questions

  3. Ask "what" instead of "why"

  4. Stay curious longer than feels comfortable

  5. Never cancel your one-on-ones

  6. Remember that even brief conversations can be powerful


Getting Started

Here's a simple challenge: Next time someone comes to you with a problem, resist the urge to offer a solution. Instead, try asking, "What's on your mind?" and see where the conversation goes.

Remember: You don't have to be perfect at this. The goal is progress, not perfection. Each time you choose to ask instead of tell, you're building stronger relationships and empowering others to find their own solutions.


The Bottom Line

Coaching isn't just another tool in your leadership toolkit—it's a mindset shift that can transform how you support and develop others. By asking more and telling less, you create space for growth, empowerment, and deeper connections.

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